Choose Your Hard
I read something earlier this year that has stayed with me. The general message was “Choose your hard.” The two examples I remember were:
Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.
Being fit is hard. Being out of shape is hard. Choose your hard.
There are so many more things that I could add to this list:
Financial discipline is hard. Being unable to pay your bills is hard. Choose your hard.
Showing up when people need you is hard. Having no real friends is hard. Choose your hard.
Having a packed schedule is hard. Being isolated is hard. Choose your hard.
Forgiveness is hard. Resentment is hard. Choose your hard.
Being firm about discipline is hard. Having unruly children is hard. Choose your hard.
You get the point. How often in life do we complain about how hard something is without weighing the other option? The grass is always greener, as they say. I used to be quick to jump to the conclusion that other people had it either easier or more figured out than I did. When I first became a mother it was, unsurprisingly, hard. I remember looking around at my friends who had kids wondering how everyone else did it. And when I looked around, I often found myself thinking that my situation was so much harder than everyone else’s. That family had two parents who never had to single parent because they both left for and returned from work at the same time. This other family had a nanny watching their kids. Another one seemed to have endless funds and could afford whatever kind of help they wanted or needed that year while still being able to live off one income and have one person at home full time. But I quickly realized something: comparing my family to those families was never going to make my own situation less hard. I couldn’t swap out my husband or my job for their husband or job, nor would I want to.
I think that’s why the “Choose Your Hard” message has stayed with me. My life is equal parts challenging and beautiful (ok, maybe if I’m honest right now it’s mostly beautiful…but no one’s life is all sunshine and roses). And goodness knows I’ve been through harder times. So many of the decisions we have to make as parents are choosing our hard. For me it looks like the following:
It’s hard to find time to exercise. It’s hard to feel weak when my kids want to run and play all summer. Choose my hard.
It’s hard to be disciplined about what I eat. It’s hard to feel bad about myself at the pool and not want to be in a bathing suit. Choose my hard.
It’s hard to be solo parenting so much of the time. It’s hard to work and feeling like I’m missing out on things with my kids. Choose my hard.
Your hard choices might look different from mine, but I promise you that they’re there. Perspective really is everything in life, and I’ve come to know that a change in perspective can bring about great peace. For example, once I shifted my mindset from It’s so hard that my husband works all the time and is rarely home to I’m so grateful that my husband works so hard so that I can have precious time with my kids, I found that I had so much peace in my life and my situation. When I switch from I wish I had a newer/bigger/more beautiful house to I’m so grateful to have a wonderful home in which to raise my family I remember that I have all that I need and most that I want.
Maybe your hard looks like It’s so hard to care for my aging parent or It’s so hard to be continuing to support my adult children. Maybe It’s hard to go without or it’s hard to put my husband first. Whatever your hard is, make sure you’re choosing the right one.
Read More:
