Would You Just Let Me Help You?!

Having a baby and being home to care for that baby 24/7 can be a very challenging job. It’s a joyful job. A love-filled job. But still, it is a challenging job. My son is now eleven months old, and he is crawling everywhere. He’s also constantly pulling himself up to stand. His favorite new activity is racing towards the toilet, pulling himself up on the edge, and splashing his hand inside the toilet bowl. Needless to say, I am less than pleased at this development.

Is it less dangerous than his current preferred activity of trying to pull plugs out of electrical sockets or stick his fingers in the sockets? Um…probably? Either way, having a mischievous eleven month old is fine-tuning my sense of danger. I am constantly scanning rooms for potential “adventures” or injuries. It makes me very grateful that I can have the bird’s eye view of an adult, but I do find that I also have to get down on his level to see what he sees. Only then can I truly understand what might look appealing to him.

His other new favorite habit is trying to roll over while I’m changing his diaper or clothes to tap the top of the sound machine and make it change colors and sounds. This particular activity leads us to the title of today’s post. As I was holding him down and/or trying to put his diaper on him as he was flipping over and crawling towards the sound machine, all I could think was, “Would you just let me help you?!” I am trying to keep you safe. I am trying to ensure that you don’t pee and poop all over yourself and others. So, why can’t you just let me help you?

And then it hit me. How often am I the wriggling baby when God is trying to show me the way forward in life? If I’m honest with myself, I am that challenging baby most days of my life. The same way I can’t help my son get changed or put his diaper on unless he cooperates, God won’t lead me to grace and peace unless I cooperate with his will. The choice is mine. So, why do I find it so hard to do it?

Well, life and the world get in the way. Those of you who have been following along for a while will already know that I began staying home full time after a very challenging time at work. My job was demanding and stressful, my husband had his own demanding, stressful job, and I was doing almost all of the before- and after-work childcare by myself on top of my job. Looking back, I think God allowed that year to be so challenging for me at work so that I would realize he was closing that door for me and opening the door to staying home. It has been such a gift to be home in these years when my kids are little. I finally got to be the one doing preschool drop off and pick up. I got to volunteer at school events. My house became more organized, and while my days might still sometimes be filled with outraged people and conflicts, those people were little and gave great snuggles during shared story times. I was suddenly at peace in my life for the first time in a long while. It’s around that time that I started this blog and worked on writing my first novel. I remember texting a friend who asked how it was going staying home to say that I finally felt like the wife and mother that I wanted to be.

But the world quickly got into my head. People got excited when I would tell them I was writing a novel. They were all so impressed. At the same time, I met so many women and noticed so many friends who had good-paying jobs and still somehow had the flexibility in their days to attend a morning Bible study or volunteer at school or prep dinner on their lunch break because they worked from home. (If you are one of these women, I hope you are grateful! Working as a teacher had zero flexibility, long hours (7:30-4 for me), and extra work generally required outside of those hours.) I started envisioning a life as a successful published, best-selling author or entrepreneur who had all the luxuries of making my own schedule and still being fully present to my kids when they were home. That’s the “dream,” isn’t it? If I could just work hard enough, I could make all these things happen and finally “have it all.”

But I am not called to serve these women’s families. I am called to serve my own family. This is the sticking point, and this is why comparison is indeed the thief of joy. And after lots of prayer and reflection, I realized God (and my family) was so clearly telling me that I am called to serve my family at home. My husband knew I was wrestling with what to prioritize this year now that my oldest two will be in school five days a week. When I asked him to pick 2-3 things he thought I should prioritize this year and to put them in order he wisely answered, “I think you should focus on making sure the girls have a great first year at their school.” I mean, truly, how can I argue with that? He is building up a very successful business.

I am a very driven person. People are often surprised by that when they know that I was an elementary school teacher first and am now a homemaker. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether there is any better use of my skills and creative talents than to work towards a tiny slice of heaven in my home. I certainly can’t create heaven in my home…but God certainly can. My job is just to cooperate. To know him. To open my heart to him. And to truly listen over time to how he is answering me.

I mentioned earlier that I have to sometimes get down on my son’s level to see the world from his perspective. It helps me to scout out any dangers and to anticipate what might go wrong. Well, isn’t that exactly what God did when Jesus entered the world? I, for one, am extremely grateful that he did. When I remember to turn back to the Gospel, I am reminded that Jesus shows us the way over and over and over again. No matter how you are called to serve your family, follow Jesus. Choose service. Choose humility. Take time for quiet prayer and reflection. Come back to God when the world tries to get in the way. I think you’ll find that it was worth it if you do.