Pushing Through the Night

My son is one week old as I write this. The first weeks at home with a newborn are inevitably challenging. The long, sleepless nights, the resentment that you as the mother are the one who has to wake every few hours to either breastfeed or pump (if you are breastfeeding), and the late night thoughts about how uncomfortable you are in your own body are all things that many mothers know well. These first few weeks are a time of great change, great challenges…and great joy.

I was texting one of my best friends earlier this week about how I was feeling, and she reminded me that everything looks better in the light of day. You just have to push through the nights. (In her words, my rule of thumb is to try not to make any decisions in the middle of the night. Those hours tell lies!) How very right she is!

How many times in life do we find ourselves sitting in darkness and wallowing? We begin to pity ourselves and tell ourselves lies like we can’t get through this, we aren’t strong enough, or no one can help us. Not one of those things is true. You just have to push through the night, and you will find that everything looks better in the light of day.

In the morning light, I am proud that we made it through another night. We’re all still here. I have coffee that helps to wake me up, family and friends that are checking in on me, and baby snuggles to keep me company and give me those much needed endorphins. I remember to speak up for myself and share my thoughts and worries with my amazing husband, who unfortunately after six years of marriage is still unable to read my mind. So, in the light of day, I remind myself that if I don’t ask him for help he won’t know that I need it. And so I ask. And boy does he step up and help me. Last night I got a five hour stretch of almost uninterrupted sleep thanks to him, which in newborn days is basically two straight days of sleeping.

So if you have been struggling with something recently, know that you are not alone. To struggle is to be human. To struggle is to feel. We feel because we are alive and because we are human. So, as my mother reminded me this week, I am now reminding you: Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the grace you would give those you love. Ask for help. You may just be surprised who steps up and steps in to support you if you are just brave enough to ask.

taken from The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy