If my life were a novel… (when your friends know you better than you know yourself)

I recently received a note from an old friend that caught me off guard. It was a lovely note accompanying some books I had bought from her for a charity she works with. What caught me off guard was this sentence:

“You’d get along so well with one of my mentees who is constantly working to balance her love interests and her responsibilities.”

As soon as I read it I thought, if my life were a novel this would absolutely be the central conflict. I truly couldn’t have said it better myself. And it got me thinking…how often do our friends see the whole picture of us when we blind ourselves with the details?

I have known this friend since high school, so you could say we go way back. But this wouldn’t have been my central conflict back then. It is only in recent years (since beginning to stay home with my kids and work on my writing at the same time) that I have realized how much I truly want to do both of those things. For me, my first desire is being home with my young kids. I would trade anything for that, and I am so grateful to be in a situation where my husband and I can make that work. But when I ask myself the question What would I do if money didn’t matter? my answer is usually writing. I love the idea of living the creative life—spending my days caring for my family, creating a warm, welcoming home, playing the piano, reading, and writing in the spaces in between.

Now, we can’t always (if ever) get our ideal day. But maybe we can come close. I called this blog Dogwoods and Dumbbells for a reason. Without being able to name it so succinctly, I knew that I wanted it to show a balance between creativity and beauty (dogwoods) and reality (dumbbells). I also thought that both words evoked different aspects of the same motherhood. Mothers can be simultaneously soft and incredibly tough. It is a beautiful thing to behold when you see someone who manages to be both at once.

While my ideal day includes lots of time for creative pursuits, there will certainly be times in my life where my responsibilities demand other things. I may need to do more practical homemaking things like laundry and cleaning. I may need to go back to work outside the home to help us pay rising tuition costs for our kids. But maybe there is indeed a way to infuse creative pursuits into those days, too. Maybe while I am home, once I finish the laundry, I can play a duet with my daughter on the piano. Or put on princess costumes and crowns and play wild princesses (our favorite game). Maybe if I need a job with real, consistent income I can find one that demands creativity throughout the day. Maybe the question isn’t one of or but one of and. Instead of asking myself do I want to stay home or work I can ask myself what jobs exist that give me quality time with my kids and a solid paycheck.

What would your central conflict be? Are you on your way to any kind of resolution? It feels like a question worth considering over a warm cup of coffee. Maybe even a coffee with a friend. I hope this week finds you mulling this over in very good company.