A Garden of Friends
I seem to be drawn to the natural world these days more so than I have been in the past. Maybe it’s because I just had a baby, one of the most naturally amazing things a human can do. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally read and heard enough people saying how bad endless screen time and scrolling is for me. Maybe it’s just being 35 years old and realizing that time is never going to slow down…so I better slow myself down and take this whole big, beautiful world in while I still can. (Yes, 35 is still young and I hope that will be for many, many more years, but you know what I mean.) In any case, I have chosen to call this post A Garden of Friends partly due to my apparently weekly desire to bring things back to nature and partly because St. Therese of Lisieux inspired me to do so.
I reread this quote last year, and it has stayed with me. I’m sure someone told me in my elementary or high school years that St. Therese had said this, but it took hearing it as a full adult to realize what a beautiful and true reflection of God’s creation and society it is. How often do we, as women, compare ourselves to those around us—either physically around our tables or virtually surrounding us on social media? Social media has a well-earned reputation for only showing people’s highlight reels, but I would argue that we often only see others’ highlight reels in person, as well. People do not often show up to work, school drop off, or a coffee date if they are in the midst of big or little suffering…at least not if they can help it.
The woman you always see at work with perfectly styled hair, impeccable, on-trend clothes, and a killer, can-do attitude may very well have spent part of her morning crying into her coffee because she feels isolated or unrecognized for everything she is doing. The friend who never seems to have real problems to share at ladies’ night might just be keeping those real problems VERY close to the vest. The mother whose kids show up to Church every Sunday in perfectly coordinated clothes might worry that she’s not fostering enough independence in her kids while another mother with extremely uncoordinated, very independent children looks on her with envy.
Even if you look around and see women who truly are thriving, we don’t all need to be (and truly, we shouldn’t be) thriving in the same way.
If motherhood has taught me anything, it is that we can’t be everything to everyone. In fact, we can’t be everything to anyone…and what a beautiful thing that is. For me, it has always been easier to look outward than inward—to recognize the strengths in those around me while sometimes questioning my own.
I think about my close friends, and I can immediately see their many and varied strengths. One is deeply thoughtful, remembering to check in on others at the most opportune moments simply because she hasn’t stopped thinking about them and their needs. Another is a trailblazing firecracker, lighting up our ladies nights with stories since we have seen each other last. She brings joy and humor to the table even on days when it seems like her world is falling apart. One friend is quietly showing up and giving everyone a safe space to talk about how they feel without judgment. One helps me to stay grounded and humble, while another reminds me of life’s great potentials and affirms that it’s ok to reach for the stars.
I am so deeply grateful for this garden of friends that I have cultivated for myself. In big ways and small, they inspire me daily. Maybe you, too, can clearly picture your own garden of friends. Who are the roses? Who are the baby’s breath? The lilies? The marigolds? Name them, say a prayer for them, or send them a message letting them know what you see in them and how appreciated they are. In the history of receiving messages, no woman has ever received a compliment from another woman and thought, “What a weirdo.” So, send that message! The world needs more kindness.
Maybe you can’t quite picture your garden. Maybe right now you have an empty flower bed waiting for seeds to be planted. Well, in that case, let this be your call to get out your seed catalogs. Or maybe sneak out in the dead of night and take some flowers from your neighbor’s garden to replant in your own. Their garden was getting overgrown anyway…Just kidding. Kind of. But, if this is you, picture your life in five years if you start today. Make the plans to grab a drink, take in a show, or grab a cup of coffee. Who knows what the seeds you plant today might bring by next year?
